Time is a funny thing. We always think we do not have enough of it. I have spent so much of my life feeling like I needed 25 hours in a day or 8 day weeks just to stay on top of everything I had to do. September was filled was lots of time spent feeling as though I simply did not have enough time to get everything done. And, well, truth be told, everything that needed to get done got done…and I survived. Unfortunately, the things that are important to me were the ones that found themselves neglected. October is going to be an attempt to reverse that.
I used to wear a watch daily, I felt naked without my watch. That changed this year. 2011 has been the year of virtually no watch wearing for me. I miss wearing a watch sometimes, other times I like not being tethered to knowing what time it is every second of every waking moment. For my thirtieth birthday I bought myself a simple, fairly inexpensive, but laden with meaning present…I bought myself a watch necklace. Yes, if you want to go to the dark side you can look at it as I am hanging myself with time, but that was not my intent. I am choosing to look at it as giving myself the gift of time. A good friend of mine suggested that for my thirtieth birthday I give myself the gift of spending one year doing only what I love. I am giving myself the gift of time to do what I love, time to fully engage in the things that fulfill me.
I had fully intended to spend a leisurely afternoon writing today. “Writing one blog entry a day will be a snap,” I originally thought to myself. Well, here I am at 10:00PM, exhausted, with a cat who is going crazy from lack of attention all day alternately clawing at my lap and climbing on the table because she knows she is not allowed to. I did not spend my afternoon writing. I did not have much time for myself at all today. And yet, I promised myself I would make time for the things that are important to me. I was snappy with those I love, cranky, and angry for much of the afternoon and evening. My day did not go as I wanted it to and I did not have enough time. I was fully present in each moment today, but man was I in a fowl mood. I do better when things go as planned and I have time to leisurely transition from one thing to the next, which kind of sucks because that rarely happens in my life. How do I carve out time? How do I work with a full schedule? (If you have the answers now is the time to start frantically writing me an email or picking up the phone to call me and let me in on your secret.) And then I realized, if I don’t find the time now, will I ever?
As I was pondering my day, the time I had, the time I didn’t have, where all the time went, I began recalling a chapter I read last night from Hand Wash Cold Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life by Karen Maezen Miller. Ironically enough, it was all about how we view time. I shall leave you with a paragraph that struck me…one that I could stand to put to use more.
“Life, we think, could be so much more, if only we had more time. When we view real life as a roadblock, we’re held prisoner by time. Yet through it all, we’re having the time of our lives.”