‘Tis the season. Yes, I did just say, “’Tis the season.” And yes, you are correct if you connect this saying with holidays occurring in December. I’ll wait while you take a look at your calendar. Yes, you are correct, it is October 22nd. You did not take a Rip Van Winkle nap and wake up two months after you fell asleep. I was a little surprised when I received and email from the Container Store announcing holiday gift-wrap the other day. I was not as surprised as I was when I walked up to the storefront today and found myself face to face with an explosion of Christmas!
Sure, the weather has been cooling. Warm sweaters, coats, hats, and scarves have recently made their appearances. My heat kicked on this morning. The cat is in seventh heaven. She can now return to her favorite passed time of singeing her belly fur. Last year she spent the better part of winter flat on top of the radiator. On one particular day I pried her off sensing that she might be dangerously close to getting second degree burns along her belly. I found her underside too hot to touch with my bare hands. Upon putting her down she promptly glared at me and vigorously cleaned every place my hands had touched her. Then, you guessed it, jumped right back up on the radiator and settled back in for more belly roasting. I digress…back to the holidays.
So the Container Store wants me to start getting ready for Christmas now. I know retail has been pushing each holiday earlier and earlier, I’m surprised Halloween costumes didn’t start popping up the day after the Fourth of July this year, but it has seriously gotten out of hand. I mean, come on folks, we still have two perfectly good holidays to get through before Christmas. I haven’t even decided what type of Halloween candy to buy that will not put a dent in my bank account, make the kids in my building think I’m not a horrible person, and be edible when I am PMS’ing months later and find the remnants in the back of my cupboard. Thanksgiving is still a lifetime away. And what about the millions of people in this city who do not celebrate Christmas? How indecent of you to rub into those children’s faces that they do not get an obscene amount of presents on one fateful day in December because some schmuck couldn’t read a calendar (clearly the retail giants are descendants of this date challenged fool) and declared it Jesus’ birthday.
I know the retail world is all about sell, sell, sell. I’ve been brainwashed just like the rest of America into buying way more than I need just because I passed by some pretty window display or some genius placed things in a display at just the right place within the store while blasting just the right music to make me think I simply could not live without this amazing product that is probably sitting virtually untouched in some drawer or closet right now. I get that the more you rub this holiday stuff in my face the more I am likely to buy. Hell, if I buy this shit now I’ll forget that I bought it by the time December rolls around and I’ll have to buy it all over again. Brilliant retail folks, just brilliant. Is that your new ploy? Get ‘em to buy it so early they’ll forget that they purchased it in the first place and buy it all over again mid December. I guess I’d better start preparing myself for the barrage of Christmas carols played on repeat in every single store for far more than just the month of December that make me retch.