Is the Universe Telling Me It’s Better to be Depressed Than Anxious?

It is no secret that I am addicted to coffee. The kind of addiction that leaves me in fetal position with a throbbing head and confused body if I do not consume caffeine within the first half hour of my waking day. It’s not necessarily something I’m proud of, it’s just fact. I have been able to go for periods of time without daily coffee, but the truth is, I like coffee. When I stop drinking it I miss it. Tea just isn’t the same. Needless to say, I was pretty excited when I read a new study that found four or more cups of coffee a day decreases the likelihood of major depression in women. It should also be noted that four or more cups of coffee increases the likelihood of anxiety and as far as neuroses go, anxiety has been the leader of the pack in my life for the past year. So I guess decreasing the likelihood that I will develop major depression and increasing the likelihood that I will self implode due to increased anxiety is not a great argument for drinking as much coffee as I do.

Aside from the extreme anxiety, there is one major reason I need to cut back on my coffee consumption…too much caffeine makes me shaky, really shaky. Now my muscles have a tendency to be a little shaky when I am working out regardless of how much caffeine I have consumed. When I consume more than a cup or two of coffee I shake as if my body has suddenly developed severe cerebral palsy. Not so awesome. Oh, and it gives me horrible acid reflux. I’m not doing a very good job of supporting the findings of this four plus cups of coffee a day study.

All research aside, this morning I was jonesing for more caffeine after I left my apartment. I had to be at work at 8:30 this morning. When I arrived in the neighborhood around 8:10 I was ecstatic because that meant time for a trip to Starbucks. I stumble off the bus into the chill of early morning autumn air armed with my new Starbucks gift card and the taste of a pumpkin spice latte already dancing across my taste buds. I got to the closest Starbucks to find…it is closed. Really?!? Starbucks is closed at 8:10AM on a Sunday? What has happened? Thankfully, there is a Starbucks on practically every street corner. I head to the next one a few blocks away. Closed! By this time it is 8:15AM and the next Starbucks I know of is five blocks away from work. If I hurry I can make it on time, but if there is any line I will be late, and who the hell knows if it is even open. I have been defeated. I slowly walk to work, coffeeless. Well, not really coffeeless because I did have several cups before leaving my apartment this morning, but that is not the point. I wanted a pumpkin spice latte. I just got a gift card in the mail yesterday. Nothing celebrates an early autumn morning like a pumpkin spice latte. This sucks. It is too early and I got too little sleep to be suffering the injustice of not having an open Starbucks within two blocks of where I work. What has the world come to? And why is the universe trying to convince me to cut back on my coffee consumption on my earliest morning of the week? It just isn’t fair. (All of you who are about to say, “Life’s not fair,” can shove it.)


About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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