There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch…Only Free Champagne and Hors D’oeuvres

We’ve all heard the age old saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” There are however, if you live in my neighborhood, free champagne and hors d’oeuvres. Sorry folks, we are revisiting that new L’Occitane store. It is just too over the top and weird not too. They opened on Tuesday. I did not get the free gift. I did get free hand lotion…and I continue to do so. They are handing out free samples at the door so I have been making it a point to walk by every time I find myself in the general vicinity. I am hoping to never have to buy hand lotion for my handbags ever again. I’m hoping to help my friends do the same by passing samples on to them as well. At least I’m a giving free sample hoarder. That has to count for something, right?

Now, beyond the free samples, the store has had a table set up with free champagne and hors d’oeuvres all week. I have noshed on more than my fair share of dried apricots, cheeses, and baguettes. I have not sipped champagne while browsing overly prices soaps and lotions though. It just seems weird, especially in the morning or mid-day. I feel bad about not taking advantage of free champagne though. I mean, who really passes that up…multiple times? No one else seems to be.

The other morning I was surrounded by drunk UES ladies over the age of 70. They were lovely, but they were downing those flutes of champagne like water. I suppose 10:00AM is practically lunch time, and it is acceptable to have a drink with your girlfriends while at lunch when you are retired and picking up the grandkids from school means getting on the bus or hailing a cab and not driving. I would like to note that none of these ladies looked like they were buying more than a bar of soap, and while they were $8 bars of soap, that is still not a high enough profit margin to warrant unlimited free champagne to the ladies of the neighborhood.

This afternoon was apparently not so great for the nannies of the neighborhood, it was the last school day before Halloween weekend, and I am sure they will be forced to drag their little charges to every Halloween extravaganza this weekend. There was a large group of them gathered around the champagne and hors d’oeuvres table this afternoon. This was their free cocktail hour. They were not even pretending to shop for anything.  The champagne and hors d’oeuvres have far and away moved faster than the merchandise that does not seem to be going anywhere.


About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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