Today I made a choice. Yes, I make choices every day, but this one went a little beyond the do I take the subway or bus choice. I actively decided not to freak out. Yup. I decided that I have had plenty of practice freaking out over stuff, so it is time to balance out and practice letting go.
One of my tasks at the yoga studio where I work is to sign people into classes. Everyone signs in on a sheet of paper at the front desk and I enter their names into the computer. It’s very easy. Until it’s not. There are many people out there who clearly wish they had become doctors, their handwriting is beyond illegible. Thankfully, I have memorized the names of the regular culprits at this studio. And even if I do not know their names, the computer stores all of the students’ names so if I am able to decipher even a few key letters I can type those into the computer and figure it out from there.
While I am skilled at multitasking, sometimes I let things slip through the cracks. Take today for instance. The phone kept ringing and several students needed lots of questions answered and needed me to witness them pondering their responses to my answers for lengthy stretches of time, all while students were streaming into the studio and signing in for class. When the class finally started I checked the sign in sheet to enter the people I missed into the computer. Everything was going just swimmingly until I stumbled across line 12. Is that English? Are those letters? Is that an S, G, J, F, or some other character? I am stumped. I cannot make out a single letter. I start searching through the names in the computer unable to find anything that resembles the scribbles I am staring at. I start leafing through the class sign in sheets from earlier in the week hoping to find this same scribble somewhere else. I come up with nothing. At this point I decide to give up. I realize I should probably care more than I do. I should probably freak out a little. I don’t though. I decide to email the studio manager and let it go.
I am tired. I am tired of caring about everything. I am tired of trying to do everything perfectly all the time. It is not that I do not care, I need a break. I need to care less about the unimportant things. I need to accept that sometimes I am going to mess up…and that’s okay. I get to save my freak outs and worrying for the big stuff, like…well, I can’t think of anything right now, but I’m sure I’ll come up with some damn good stuff to freak out over during the week to come.