I Want More

I found myself slipping into the, “I want to buy stuff,” mood today. I have designated Tuesdays as my day off and after getting my nails done I decided to stroll over to the Goodwill a few blocks away. I instantly starting wanting stuff I do not need. I found myself holding a Kate Spade bag frantically texting friends to ask if I should buy it. I felt out of control, greedy, in need of making a purchase to fulfill some need I could not place my finger on. Finally, I put down the bag that retails for over $200, but was a mere $7.99. In my New Year’s resolution I did say that I could buy things second hand, but in all reality, I did not need that bag. I left the Goodwill and wandered to the Athleta store. I instantly slipped into wanting everything. There were new colors for pants and tops that I already own and love. There were new items that whispered sweat nothings into my ear hoping I would take them to the dressing room and try them on. There was even a deep purple swimsuit. I resisted all of the items there and continued on my journey to Barnes and Noble where I was looking for a book for a friend. (I never said I couldn’t buy new stuff for friends.) I found what I was looking for, after many distractions, and realized that the first twenty or so pages were creased and the whole book just didn’t look like it was in good shape. I left that store empty handed as well.

While at Barnes and Noble I stumbled across a kids’ book called, More. It is mostly a picture book about a magpie who is given a marble by a little mouse in the first pages. He then flies around gathering more and more objects. The little mouse, who is his friend/conscious, starts asking if he has gathered too much. He then slowly gets rid of more and more until he is left with only a few precious objects, including the mouse. I am this magpie. I have spent years gathering more and more. And now it is time to stop gathering and start enjoying the few things that truly are precious to me. I probably should have bought this book to remind me that I do not need to gather more things to feel fulfilled. Oh wait, no, I’m not buying stuff, I was right to leave it where it was on the display table. I do really want that book though…sigh.

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About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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