Me Need Chocolate

For approximately three days prior to my menstrual cycle and for the first two days of my actual cycle there is one VERY important thing to know…do not, I repeat, DO NOT get in between me and chocolate. If I look like I am about to spit fire or cry you should probably run as fast as you can in the opposite direction too. Today I came to work to notice that the basket usually filled with mints contained not just mints, but little nuggets of Dove chocolate and York Peppermint Patties. The universe knew. I was meant to have chocolate at work. It was going to make everyone’s life better.

I started in on the Peppermint Patties. I decided to wait before ravenously digging into the pure chocolate. I had it perfectly planned. I would make my decent upon the chocolates just before the students for the second class of the evening came in. That way, I was sure to get at least a few pieces before all of the chocolate loving yoga students scooped them up. My plan was fool proof. Well, except for one major problem. The problem that is now causing me to have murderous thoughts, because not only am I tired and uncomfortable with female problems unexpectedly early this month, there is also no chocolate left in the fucking mint basket!

There is a woman, who for the record is a lovely person, but when she takes yoga classes in the evenings she brings her preteen son with her. He is harmless. He sits in the lobby and reads his books. He is actually quite cute and polite for the most part. He does however chew louder than anyone I have ever heard, which often makes me want to rip his pre-dinner snack out of his mouth mid chew. Other than that, he is an okay kid. Tonight, he is my problem. He is the one who ate all of the chocolate. I am going to kill him, I don’t care if I am in a yoga studio. He has a mother and an older sister, he should know not to take chocolate when women are present. It is rude. I hate him. He has no redeeming qualities. He should die a miserable death, but first he should have to buy me more chocolate. Okay, I don’t really wish this poor kid harm (well, maybe a little right now), but I do really need chocolate right now and he has prevented that from occurring for another two whole hours, which is when I get off work. And for the record, it is rude to take all of something. Even I, in my delicate state, was not going to take all of the chocolates for myself.


About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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