I am a worrier. I am especially good at worrying about things I have absolutely no control over. I give myself a false sense of control by worrying instead of just taking a deep breath and accepting that the cookie will crumble, with or without my worrying. If I worry hard enough, maybe the universe will sway in my favor. Only, the universe usually gives me what I need, when I need it. The problem is the universe and I don’t always see eye to eye.
I have had a lot of good worrying sessions lately. Today has been an especially fine day of full-fledged worrying (it’s a good thing I’ve been getting in lots of practice). I am moving at the end of the month. I saw a place that I loved, kind of, last week. I hemmed and hawed, contemplated if the pros outweighed the cons, finally decided to go for it, and found out it had already been rented…to someone else. Today I found another place, one that I really did love, not just kind of. I raced to give them a deposit and fill out the paperwork. The secretary seemed less than thrilled with my application and my guarantor’s application. She implied the owner would not accept us. How could that be possible?
I have spent all day worrying that the owner will not deem me an acceptable tenant because I do not make enough right now and my guarantors are retired. The more I worry the more likely I am to be approved, right? Yeah, I don’t exactly see the correlation between worrying and being approved either. And yet, I seem unable to allow myself to simply sit with the unknown right now. I know whatever is meant to happen will happen. Just please let getting that apartment be what is meant to be.