Putting my material possessions into boxes caused some anxiety and tears today. My apartment stopped resembling my home as pictures were packed away, artwork came off the walls, books were taken off bookshelves, dresser drawers were emptied, and bathroom cabinets became bare. It made me realize how important our environments are. What we surround ourselves with and how we care for the spaces we inhabit greatly affect us, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. I am excited to have a fresh canvas of space to create a new home for myself, but I am struggling to accept that that means letting go of this home.
What we chose to live with and what we chose to part with (material, mental, and emotional) impact us in far greater ways than we know. Taking inventory and cleaning things out is so incredibly hard, but so necessary. Moving forces us to examine everything we have chosen to hold on to and offers the opportunity to let it go. In going through my belongings I was brought face to face with things that conjured up memories of people, events, and places. It was like a very biased version of This is Your Life. There were plenty of smiles and several good belly laughs, but there were also lots of tears. I was holding on to people, events, and memories I didn’t even consciously know still resonated within my mind and body. A lot of letting go occurred today. I came face to face with who I was and who I am…space needs to be cleared if who I want to be has any chance of coming into being.
“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~ Anais Nin