I Don’t Want to be That Woman

Sometimes we need to see ourselves in other people before we can begin to see how truly foolish we are. I hate change. I fight it like I was put on this planet to halt all change, good or bad, from occurring in my life. I would like to believe I have gotten better over the years. I resist it a little less and freak out when it inevitably occurs with diminished vigor. And yet, I still struggle with change. Good or bad, it makes me anxious and uneasy. I want to be better at going with the flow, especially when the change is positive, but my need to swim upstream for a little while when faced with change is still very much present.

While working the front desk at the yoga studio this evening I had a brief encounter with a woman who takes the Monday evening class every week. And I do mean every week. She inspires me with her dedication and ability to get her butt to the studio at the same time on the same day every single week, she’s done it for years now. She is honest, funny, and kind, gruff around the edges, but all heart and soul on the inside. She seemed distracted, frazzled, not in the mood to engage in conversation with me upon entering the studio this evening. She shared that she had an upcoming interview for a new job. The new job would offer her benefits that she never has, and never will have at her current job. As she was describing this potential new job it became clear what an amazing opportunity it would be for her. And yet, she was not excited, not ready to embrace what potentially could be a great shift for her. As she informed me, she hates changes. I was staring at myself.

I was forced to come face to face with all of the times I have resisted changes that were positive. All of the times I did not do something or take an opportunity, no matter how great it looked on the outside, because I did not want to deal with change. As stubborn as I am, as good at resisting and hating change as I am, I want to let that piece of me, well, ummmm, change. This woman inspires me in many ways, but I do not aspire to be like her when I am her age, fearing what might be an intensely exciting and rewarding experience because it means change.

About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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