Be Careful What You Wish For

A funny thing happened over the last month…I got what I wanted. Somehow things all just kind of fell into place. I needed a new job. I needed to be able to meet all my financial responsibilities. I wanted to work with kids. I wanted to wake up every morning wanting to go to work. I wanted an easy commute (I am a horrible commuter). And bam! Job working with kids, paying just enough, and a five minute walk from my apartment. I had asked and the universe had provided. Then it all hit me.

Things happened very quickly. I mean less than a week quickly. I had no time to seriously ponder anything before finding myself in the midst of a new job. Two weeks in I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. I had asked for this. I wanted this. And yet, I was not ecstatically happy. I was exhausted and questioning everything. Was this really what I wanted? Was I any good at what I was doing? (It sure didn’t feel like I was very good at my new job.) Could I really sustain myself with this? Did I want to be doing this for the rest of my life? Was this what I wanted for my career? How the hell did this even happen? It was freak out time. And then it was time to breathe.

Change is very hard for me. I somehow thought that because things moved so quickly and I had so little time to over think, or think at all about this change that I would miraculously be okay with it. Turns out my brain just needed a little time to catch up with everything. Turns out my brain also likes to freak out over things that are so far in the future all the powers of prediction and fortune telling can’t accurately answer the questions I come up with mid-meltdown. The reality is, I only have to stick with this for a year. If I am unhappy and it is not working I do not have to do it forever. A lot can happen in a year. At this point in time I enjoy going to work and it pays my bills. I should probably spend a little more time focusing on that and a little less time freaking out over what may or may not be five or ten years from now.

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About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
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One Response to Be Careful What You Wish For

  1. Pingback: Dinner Parties | Little Rants From the Big City

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