I came face to face with a part of myself that I really do not like a few weeks ago. First I was proud of myself for being able to name it and admit it. Then I became angry with myself for allowing this shadowy, lurking quality to see the light of day. We all have parts of ourselves we are not particularly proud of, qualities and traits that are not on par with everything we strive to be and tell ourselves we are. The problem is, denying them or hiding them does not make them go away. They pop out at unexpected times, rear their heads inappropriately, and make us look like fools when we are desperately trying to come off as totally pulled together. The only way to truly combat these dark pieces is to meet them head on.
I had been struggling to deal with some people in my life I cannot simply be rid of right now. After lots of talks with friends, journaling, and tears, I felt at an impasse. I didn’t know how to deal with these people. I was frustrated and angry, both with them, and with myself for not being able to make the situation better. In a yoga class right before a big meeting with these people I had an epiphany…I was judging these people for being judgmental of others. I can be incredibly judgmental, especially when I perceive others to be judgmental. In other words, I am a huge hypocrite. The traits we most easily recognize in others, or most despise in others, are often traits we also possess. So it was really no surprise that I was judging people for being judgmental.
I have not magically stopped judging others or become best friends with the people I was struggling to work with. I have however become more aware of when I start to slip into a place of judgment and I have found the ability to feel compassion for the people I am struggling with. When I notice myself behaving from a place of judgment I remind myself that I am no better or worse than the person I am judging, take a few deep breaths, and do my best to let it go. When I notice others behaving from a place of judgment I acknowledge it and remind myself that I too can go to that place if I am not careful. It is an ongoing process of staying present enough to acknowledge what is coming up for me and continually reminding myself to think, speak, and act from a place of openness and kindness. Far easier said than done.


About djunapassman

I teach yoga, write, and edit. I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood that is changing faster than I can, or care to, keep up with. Manhattan still beckons me to her island a few subways stops away, reminding me of when I lived amongst her daily hustle and bustle.
This entry was posted in Life Lessons. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Judgments

  1. Pingback: Dinner Parties | Little Rants From the Big City

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s