Dear New Yorkers with Large Umbrellas (you know the kind I’m talking about, the umbrellas that could easily be mistaken for walking sticks with pointy tips),
It would be great if you could refrain from wildly swinging your arms while walking. This overzealous arm pumping basically ensures that you will take out anyone within a six foot radius in front of or behind you. And, as you know, space is a premium here. While walking up and down the subway stairs, please, please, please do not point your extra long, extra pointy umbrella directly behind you. Not only do you take up the step you are on, but at least three behind you. Anyone attempting to get up or down the same flight of stairs as you is essentially asking to have an eyeball poked out by the tip of your umbrella. Just one more thing before you go on your merry way in the rain. I am begging you, please do not gesticulate while holding your dripping umbrella on a subway car. I understand you are a hand talker. I understand you can’t properly express yourself without waving your hands about. All I am asking is that you put the umbrella down before talking. I do not need to be showered by the rain water on your umbrella after having safely and dryly gotten myself onto the same subway car you happen to be riding.
Your Fellow New Yorker Trying to Survive the Rain