A few weeks ago I noticed a spider outside one of my bedroom windows. This isn’t just any spider, this is a huge spider, and she (or he) seems to have made the top portion of my window home. I have watched the spider get rounder and larger. I have watched the web grow, catching rays of sunlight or moonlight as I walk by the window causing me to pause even in my most hurried moments. When the spider herself is visible in the window it is hard not to stop everything because she is so large and mysterious. I have watched her eat the bugs that found their fates in her web. I have watcher her create new additions to her web. I have simply watched her and wondered.
I pulled out my animal spirit cards this morning to see what spiders represent. According to the card spiders symbolize protection, aid, and wisdom. “They are frequently depicted as helpers, protectors, and creators.” Some Native Americans associate the spider with a grandmother spirit. “She rises from her realm to offer advice, particularly before a dangerous or large undertaking.” Whew, that’s a lot to take in all at once.
Both of my grandmothers passed away when I was a teenager. There have been many times in my adult life when I have longed for a grandmother. Anytime a friend mentions his or her grandmother and something they did together or a conversation they had I feel a little pang of jealousy. I have had older women in my life who very much filled that void for me and I have worked with older people, but it’s just not quite the same. Sometimes you just want your grandmother.
I first noticed the spider on a night when a part of my life that has been crumbling for quite some time now finally fell into bits and pieces (once there is a resolution I will share that story here). I didn’t know what to do, what questions to ask, what answers I needed, or who to even go to with the mess asking for help. That is when I noticed the spider, she caused me to pause, get out of my head and emotions, and just breathe in silence while watching her spin her web. In many ways it did seem that she was there to offer her protection and wisdom.
The spider has been in my window frame for almost a month now. I know many people are scared of spiders and a large spider outside one’s bedroom window might be seen as something to be scared of or disgusted by. I, however, have grown quite fond of this spider. I don’t think it is a coincidence that she showed up when I needed a guide. I don’t really believe in coincidences. I hope she sticks around to see me through whatever may lie ahead.