I’m not the most spontaneous person. I over think and over analyze everything. So when I found myself pondering the possibility of partaking in a workshop I found out about only five days before the actual workshop, emailing the facilitators about a partial scholarship, agreeing to teach part of the workshop, and finding a sub for the yoga class I teach on the day of the workshop all within the span of 24 hours I shocked myself. I also failed to listen to my gut. I wanted so badly to not get in my own way. I didn’t want to hold myself back from what could have potentially been a great experience because I didn’t have time to adequately over analyze it all. And in the end, it backfired. My gut instinct that the whole thing was a bad idea had been spot on. I was so desperate to get out of perceived personal ruts that I forged ahead despite mounting doubt and anxiety.
I learned from this whole thing that wanting to break out of old patterns can lead us down new paths of discovery, but going against our true selves isn’t necessarily growth or progress if it doesn’t serve us well. Learning to differentiate between habitual apprehension and gut instinct is essential. Even more essential is finding the courage to nudge ourselves forward or back off when necessary. I didn’t wind up partaking in the workshop or teaching my regularly scheduled class yesterday. I did wind up with a much needed day off for some self-care and serious reflection. The next time I find myself pushing past my comfort zone I will not mistake my gut instinct for petty apprehension because I am venturing into uncharted territory. I will pause to listen and then act accordingly.