Today has been a rough day. I got far too little sleep last night because I was on the phone with a friend until midnight and my first client of the day was at 7:30am. My stomach has been upset all day, feels like stress combined with a not so amazing diet this week and my body attempting to acclimate to a new exercise regime, among other things. My first client was in a frazzled, emotionally fragile state when I met with her. The session was hard for her, layers of emotions she has been storing within her body are starting to surface. Yoga is hard, not just because it is a physical challenge, but because it forces us to face ourselves, the good, the bad, the stuff we hide from others, the stuff we willing share, it all comes into focus, and not always in pleasant or pretty ways. I did not feel burdened by witnessing and holding her surfacing emotions, but empathetically being there for another human being while not closing off to my own pain and suffering was uncomfortable and hard at times. I got to my second client of the day to find he was totally checked out, mentally preoccupied with an important business meeting he had just after our session. I felt so disconnected and useless, all the while trying to remind myself that it was not about me and this is his journey through life and his yoga practice, not mine. Just when I thought I was starting to let go of these two clients I found myself teaching a class with students embodying the exact issues that had surfaced with my morning clients.
I was intending to share a video a friend shared on Facebook instead of writing tonight, but then I realized I could not share the video here (when I have had more sleep I will try again). I was thinking of what to post that would not require my actually writing, because I do not yet know how to eloquently or coherently put into words the day I had. Things in my personal life irked me more than they should have spiraling me into self-doubt, insecurity, anger, and confusion. My morning clients touched upon stuff that resonated so deeply with me I am now forced to stare in the mirrors they held up for me. How does one honestly share that, let alone write about it for a blog posting? And yet, I realized the rawness of it all and the perfectionist in me were winning the battle over whether or not to write tonight. So, here I am, writing a not so eloquent post with no clear message, beginning, middle, or end. A lot like life, not always so eloquent or clear.