I set out to write about the new diet/cleanse I am on, but as I was scrolling through old posts trying to find my writing from two and a half years ago when I did my last major diet clean-up/cleanse I got lost amongst my posts from the last year. I was struck by how profoundly unhappy I was. I knew the last year was a difficult and often an unhappy time, but I was in denial about how dark it truly was. I found myself face to face with wounds I am currently healing and relationships that ended in ways I had no control over. I was stuck, stifled to the point of nasty outbursts, mistreated, and I compromised way too much of myself. Rereading my writing was a huge wakeup call that it truly is time to look forward and lay all of that to rest. I am working on forgiving myself for the words and actions that contributed to some of the difficulties of last year. I am working on forgiving myself staying in relationships that were so unhealthy. I am working on forgiving the people who hurt me (truthfully, I’m not there yet).
As I reread my old posts I found myself repeatedly asking, what kind of energy and thoughts do I want to put out into the world? How does my writing reflect what I dwell on? What do I really want to say through my writing and this blog? The biggest question I have been grappling with lately is, how do I get out of my own way so I can truly blossom into and embody what I want to be? And, how do I allow my writing to be an extension of that?