I am really good at freaking out, getting overly anxious and stressed, and planning for the worst case scenario. (I had a therapist once tell me I imagined the worst worst case scenarios of anyone she had very worked with.) What I’ve realized recently is that, I am not so good at simply being when things are going well. I tend to reside in a place of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if there is no proverbial other shoe? What if both shoes are on my feet just waiting for me to walk, run, skip, and stop worrying about it all?
My mantra for the last several months has been: “I am enough. I have enough.” I silently repeat this every time I catch myself worrying about something, real or imagined; every time I find myself slipping into the old broken record mantra of: “Can I really do this? Do I deserve this?”For too long I kept people in my life who fed into my feelings of not being good enough or deserving enough. As those people have been weeded out I’ve been able to clearly see the people in my life who have always believed I was good enough and deserving enough. They were just waiting for me to see it too.
Things in my life were bad on multiple levels for a long time. Now that the tides have changed, it feels scary. Am I ready for what lies ahead? Can I handle everything going well? Can I stay out of my own way long enough for everything to go the way it is meant to? The answer to all these questions is, I sure hope so.